Rob Auton's top hair tip
- The List
- 3 August 2017
The poet-comedian explains what to do when dandruff rears its ugly head
If a patch of dandruff appears in your hair (it can happen to anyone, often when you are feeling over-tired or have been eating badly or feel run down), massage your scalp for five to ten minutes depending on how busy you are, then comb through your hair with a fine comb.
Before you start combing, place a large A1 sheet of black paper onto the table. When you are pleased with the set-up, move your chin down until it touches your chest and start to comb your hair forward. You will be able to watch the dandruff fall and settle onto the paper. Do not be disappointed with your head, this is what having a real head is all about. The dandruff will begin to look like a two-tone Poundshop Galaxy but that's not the point.
You need to gather the dandruff and form it into letters that spell out the words: I'M ALIVE. THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A NON-FICTIONAL PERSON THAT IS PUTTING THEMSELVES THROUGH THEIR OWN LIFE WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME. IT IS A LOT TO TAKE IN. YES I'M OVER-TIRED BECAUSE I WAS WORKING LATE LAST NIGHT. I AM UNDER PRESSURE BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL LIKE IF THERE WAS ANOTHER ME HE WOULD BE DOING A BETTER JOB OF IT. YES MY OUTSIDE APPEARANCE HAS BEEN SUFFERING BUT INSIDE I FEEL LIKE I'M ACTUALLY LIVING.
Rob Auton: The Hair Show, Just the Tonic at The Caves, 3–26 Aug, 3.55pm, £5.