Daniel Sloss discusses comics, critics and cookery
The Fife comedian is a dab hand at cooking 'chicken thing' with rice
This article is from 2012.
First record you ever bought
Sadly I think it was Nickelback. I’ve never really been into music. This is probably why.
Last extravagant purchase you made
I bought a lifesize, fibreglass replica of a velociraptor. He’s 9 foot long and lives in my living room. His name is Rowdy.
First film you saw that really moved you
The Dark Knight Rises.
Last lie you told
You’ve been a great audience.
First movie you ever went on a date to
Pirates of The Caribbean.
Last time you cried
I only allow myself to cry once a year. Otherwise you’re a girl. I think it was a youtube video of soldiers returning home to their loved ones. My mate sent it as a link on my facebook. Fuck it’s a beautiful thing to watch.
First thing you do when you’ve got time off work
Last great meal you cooked
I’m a fairly decent cook. Last thing I cooked was 'Chicken thing' with rice. I don’t follow recipes. I make shit up and it normally works.
Rhiannon Williams. I was in Primary 3 and so was she. I proper fancied her. But I was 7 so I was an idiot and had no idea what to do. I made her a clay hedgehog pencil holder and a card which said 'I love you.' She rejected me (I don’t know how you get rejected as a 7 year old. But I definitely was.) This was the start of my long long long list of failings with women.
Last book you read
First great piece of advice you were given
'Don’t read reviews. Do the audience laugh? GOOD! Then why do you care about what one bitter twat who gets paid to have an opinion on one of the most subjective things in the entire world thinks? Now shut up and keep going.'
First thing you’d do if you ran the country
Resign. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have any power what so ever. Even allowing me to express my opinion through a microphone is stupid.
Last meal on earth - what would it be
First song you’ll sing at karaoke
'1000 miles' by Vanessa Carlton. Bitches love Vanessa Carlton.
Last time you exploited your position to get something
I tend to not mention that I’m a Z-list celebrity. As, rightfully so, nobody gives a shit. And I don’t like people recognising me when I’m out in case they hate me already.
First time you realised you were famous
Again. Not really famous. But I am on the side of buses at the Fringe this year. And when I meet fans it’s quite weird.
Last time someone criticised your work
My mum said I 'swear too much.' I’ve probably been criticised by 'reviewers' this festival, but heeding the advice above, I don’t read them.
First three words your friends would use to describe you
Total f**king douchebag.
First concert you ever attended
Nickelback. Again. No music taste. I was 12, went with my mum.
Last time you bought someone flowers
I bought my ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time) flowers when she was feeling bad about something I didn’t listen to.
First object you’d save from your burning home
iPhone. Can’t live without it.
Last funny thing you saw online
There’s a Bob Ross song remix which is amazing. Called 'Happy Little Clouds'. I lolled.
I was a paintball referee when I was 16. It sounds like an amazing job. It was awful, I was getting paid minimum wage to get shot at by a bunch of drunken Aberdonian pricks.
Last person you fantasized about
Lorraine Kelly. I fucking adore that woman.
First word you spoke
Last crime you committed
First song at your (potential) wedding
What ever she wants. I’ll be drunk.
Last song at your funeral
I’ll get my best mate Ally to choose the song. He’s got a great taste in music.
First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech
Probably my mum. Then my dad. Then my agent.
Last thing you recommended to someone
As in something I wouldn’t recommend? Anything Tim Burton has ever done.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning
'Please God, let me not have to fly somewhere.'
Last thing you think of before you go to sleep
'God I’m disgusting.' I wank before I sleep.