Patrick Combs: the man who successfully cashed a junk mail cheque
Combs' show, Man 1 Bank 0, tells the story of how he cashed a fake $95,093.35 cheque
This article is from 2012.
Bankers are being prosecuted in Ireland and hated world-round. The shame of this is that all this evil bank behaviour is overshadowing just how fun bankers are. Or more accurately, funny. Banks are incredibly funny. You just have to know how to bring out their sense of humour.
Here’s how to bring out the funny in your banker.
Start with a junk-mail cheque; I’m sure you’ve gotten one in the mail. They look real but carry words like ‘sample’ or ‘non-negotiable’ printed across the face. We throw them away. But there is a much, much better use of them. Use them to prank your bank. I received a faux-cheque in the mail for $95,093.35. Mine said ‘Not-negotiable’ in the top right-hand corner. So to make a banker laugh, I deposited it into my ATM and I endorsed the back with only a smiley face. I’ll admit that the smiley face made the joke a little too obvious, but I was feeling lazy. Anyway, do the same bit of fun with your bank. If you don’t have a fake, junk-mail cheque, use Monopoly money. And then load up one of your bank’s ATMs with a hefty deposit of fake, funny money. You’ll have fun keying in the largest deposit amount of your life. And then wait for your banker’s response. I awaited a gleeful phone call from my bank like, ‘Mr Combs, what you deposited wasn’t real, but you are now a comedic legend around here!’ Or perhaps a witty response like, ‘Mr Combs, the cheque was fake and you’re going to jail … just kidding about the jail. Did your heart stop?’
But I wasn’t giving my bank enough credit. My bank’s response was even funnier. They cashed the $95,093.35 phony cheque! Yeah, true story. They gave me real money from a fake cheque. Mother F#@!@ingly so funny! Nothing is funnier than responding in a way no one would ever guess. And considering that banks are professional money managers who specialise in cheques (hell, they invented them), cashing my fake cheque was the funniest response possible to my prank. Touché. First Interstate! I didn’t see that coming.
Trust me when I say bankers are funny because my bank was just warming up. Your bank will pull out all the stops to make you laugh if you just take the time to tickle their fancy. They’ll blunder. They’ll look stupid. They’ll have you followed by men dressed in black. Whatever is required to keep you laughing because, truth be told, I think bankers are just itching to be recognised for the good-natured pranksters they really are. Not the evil, money sucking dogs they’re being painted as. God bless bankers. I love them. Bankers have been very, very good to me.
MAN 1 BANK 0, Gilded Balloon, 0131 622 6552, from 11–26 Aug, 5.15pm