Lloyd Langford - True of false?

Some made-up facts about Edinburgh - and one real one


This article is from 2011.

Lloyd Langford

Hello there. My show this year is called The Cold Hard Facts of Life. It’s all about trivia. To that end, I’ve compiled the below list. Every entry, except one, is a complete lie. The question is, can you separate out the lone fact from this manifest of falsification?

● Edinburgh Zoo is home to Britain’s only gay marmoset, Reginald.
● Edinburgh’s nickname, ‘The Athens of the North’, is a joke at the Royal Bank of Scotland’s dire financial situation.
● A full-scale model of Edinburgh Castle is in storage in New Zealand.
● Heriot-Watt university was founded in 1985 by actor James Herriot and The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band. Its motto is ‘Express Yourself (Through Animal Husbandry).’
● In 1995, purely for a laugh, the Edinburgh Military Tattoo consisted of a soldier hitting a tambourine across the side of his head for 45 minutes. And then, after an interval, hitting it against the other side of his head for a further 45 minutes. It was a total sell-out.
● Due to an administrative error, only one of The Proclaimers (the one with the glasses) has been awarded the Freedom of the City of Edinburgh. This annoys the other one.
● JK Rowling came up with the idea of Harry Potter after watching a repeat of a Paul Daniels Christmas special whilst off her tits on some Leith skag.

The Stand V, 558 7272, 5–28 Aug (not 15), 10.05pm, £9 (£8). Preview 4 Aug, 6.40pm, £8 (£7). For more of Lloyd’s cold hard Edinburgh facts, see edinburghfestival.list.co.uk.

(Answer: a full-scale model of Edinburgh Castle is indeed in storage in New Zealand. It was used in the 1990s when the Tattoo visited Wellington.)

This article is from 2011.

Lloyd Langford: The Cold Hard Facts of Life

  • 4 stars

From a very young age, Lloyd Langford has been obsessed with comedy and trivia. For his new show in 2011, he thought he would combine the two. Lloyd returns to Edinburgh with his third solo show. An hour crammed full of jokes about mice, knives and cling film. At last, a comedian who’s unafraid to tackle the big…

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