The beast in Philberto

This article is from 2009.

The beast in Philberto

Portugal’s reality TV legend Philberto is gracing us with his presence while exploring his inner animal this Fringe. Here he picks his top five reality stars

Shahbaz, Big Brother 7, UK 2006
I’ve always been very scared of the people from Glasgow (it’s one of the themes of my show) and any idea I had of these people was broken when I saw this guy. People told me that I was an attention seeker but this guy was just insane. In his own way, he was beautiful, but broken. He burned like a sparkler for six days but then his spark went out and he threw himself from the house. What a fantastic maniac. I kind of love him and hate him too. I want to grab his head from love and just squeeze it really hard, then push him over and then hug him better.

Ismo Leikola, Tallihahdet, Finland 2008
Normally, in Finland, they are not too much with the emotions, very calm. This show is about stars being around animals and looking after them, making sure they are OK. This guy had to look after a horse but the horse wouldn’t do what he wanted. So he punched it really hard, was thrown out from the show and was in the front pages all the time – more important than world news.

Philberto Castro (me), Live on the Floor for a Month, Portugal 2007
I have to put one of my own in there. It was the romance between myself and Lucia, the moment that was in all of the papers in Portugal. During the ‘restriction’ task we were taped up from shoulders to knees, bound up like a worm and trying to kiss but had to move around on our stomach so it was strange because the side of our heads were pressing together and as I tried to turn to kiss her, she hit me and I went down the steps, couldn’t stop, bang bang bang. But then she rolled down after me and it hurt her and me, but we still kissed. Yeah, it looked funny but it was very tender for me.

Vanilla Ice, The Surreal Life, USA 2007
Vanilla Ice, or Robert Van Winkie which is his real name, had made a deal with Ron Jeremy (a hairy porno king) to vote for one of the others on the show. Ron swore on his mother’s grave that he wouldn’t go against Vanilla. Then he did and Vanilla WENT NUTS!!! He broke up the studio, and I can understand because on my show Miguel was supposed to be my friend and everyone saw what he did. But Vanilla nearly broke a drumkit on the porno guy’s head. I wanted to have a hot chocolate with Vanilla after and talk to him about when the same kind of thing happened to me but he would have been so angry probably he wouldn’t have listened too good.

Dutch Idol, Holland 2006
We know about the singing shows and how the very worst people at singing come through and everyone in the UK laughs at them, but this Dutch show was just amazing. They had the very worst competitors from the show and made them sing LIVE IN FRONT OF A PACKED FOOTBALL STADIUM. OK, on my show people saw me naked and crying but nothing, NOTHING is going to compare to the shit these people are going through. You have to see this on YouTube. You are going to be shouting an angry ‘WOW’ at the screen.

Philberto, Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, 9–30 Aug (not 18), 9.30pm, £8.50–£9.50 (£7–£8). Preview until 8 Aug, £5.

Philberto: Philberto's Animal

  • 3 stars

Portugal's no.1 reality TV star performs his hotly-anticipated debut show. An international headliner who comes to Edinburgh to explore his inner animal through music, poetry and sincerity. 'His act is a comic masterpiece' (Telegraph).

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