Take 5: Festival people
This article is from 2008.
1. The Agent
'Oh but isn't he just hil-ar-i-ously funny daahling? We're lining him up for his own Friday Night Project series. He's on Mock the Week next month, y'know . . .' The sacred golden comic cash cow's agent coos down the phone. If only she could do it a bit more quietly. And maybe a bit further away from us.
2. The Confused Tourist
Bless 'em. Holding maps upside down and mournfully asking the whereabouts of the Scott Monument whilst leaning against one of its majestic stone legs, they need all the help they can get.
3. The Street Performer
With so much on offer, why pay for a show? Given the high standard on offer, we want to see the Ultimate Street Performer this year: a flame-juggling act costumed in highly flammable Scooby Doo costume, with a unicycle and a child star thrown in for good measure.
4. The Hungover Leafleter
Far more appealing than their perky comrades, the hungover leafleter wears shades to protect her bloodshot eyes and can barely lift her glossy photocopy, let alone tell you about Sparkly Sam, the magician.
5. The Bored Journo
After 19 shows in 48 hours, the glazed look of the guy brandishing a press pass in the back row is apparent for all to see. Just a pity then that his snoring masked the crucial plot twist for the 20-strong 'intimate' audience. Two stars.