Interview: Bridget Christie - First and last

Surrealist comedian on Buckingham Palace, Pot Noodle and outwitting your children

This article is from 2012.

First record you ever bought

How old are you? Do you mean my first CD?

Last extravagant purchase you made

Buckingham Palace.

First film you saw that really moved you

Watership Down.

Last lie you told

That the first film I saw that really moved me was Watership Down.

First movie you ever went on a date to

Deep Throat.

Last time you cried

39 years ago.

First thing you do when you’ve got time off work

Scrub the toilet and wash the bins.

Last great meal you cooked

Pot Noodle.

First crush

Queen Victoria.

Last book you read

The Book of Roundabouts.

First great piece of advice you were given

Don’t eat yellow snow.

Last time you were star struck

The nice one from How Clean is Your House was in my local fruit and veg shop. I was holding a huge melon when I saw her. Good job I didn’t drop it on my foot.

First thing you’d do if you ran the country

Make my cat my deputy.

Last meal on earth – what would it be

Last meal on earth? Where am I going? Depending on where I’m going, I would have whatever I couldn’t get there.

First song you’ll sing at karaoke

I will never sing again, either privately or publicly.

Last time you exploited your position to get something

Once I was seated near a shelf that had some sweets on it, and I took one. Is that the sort of position you mean?

First time you realised you were famous

Have I been sent the right Q&A? Do you know who I am? No. There you go then.

Last time someone criticised your work

Today.

First three words your friends would use to describe you

Smelly. Boring. Idiot.

Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it

An unidentified fish thing in an Italian restaurant. I was nearly sick.

First concert you ever attended

Johann Sebastian Bach in Gloucester. He was really old and rapping. It was really embarrassing.

Last time you bought someone flowers

1987.

First object you’d save from your burning home

The front door.

Last funny thing you saw online

A cricket sketch. I can’t remember who they were but my heart sang when I watched it.

First job

Surgeon.

Last person you fantasised about

Jeremy Hunt. But not in the way you think.

First word you spoke

Ecclesiastical.

Last crime you committed
Treason.

First song at your (potential) wedding

Am I getting divorced? Do you know something I don’t?

Last song at your funeral

The Birdie Song.

First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech

The person who handed it to me.

Last thing you recommended to someone

Socks.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning

Haha! I won. Children are idiots.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep

This is a brilliant hiding place. They’ll never find me here.

Bridget Christie performs her new show War Donkey at The Goose, Falkirk, Mon 30 Jul (as part of Funny in Falkirk), and at the Assembly Rooms, Edinburgh, Tue 1 Aug (as a preview of her Fringe run).