The gathering of the bribes

This article is from 2009.

We don’t like to call it bribery, that’s a dirty word, but now that the Festival’s starting to roll into town the standard of, er, unsolicited gifts arriving here at List Towers is definitely on the up. And we don’t mind it one bit. It might not guarantee you five stars, but even if your review’s abysmal you can still rest assured in the knowledge that we think you’re lovely. Here’s who you’re up against…

Loofah

Here at List Towers we were bowing at the altar of all things comedy, thanks to the true genius of Shed Simove. The self confessed idea’s man sent us a Martin Loofah King, well, loofah. One side a print of the man his, the other the memorable line: 'I have a Dream.' You rock our world.

Belushi’s, 226 146 until 31 Aug, 7pm, £5.

A gold condom

Aw, you really shouldn’t have. Here at the List safety always comes first. Can the same be said for Don Juan though, who is currently hanging out down Soho way at this year’s Fringe?

C Venues, 0845 260 1234, 23-31 Aug, 1pm.

Humbugs

Ok, so it’s not a Fringe show but Arctic Monkeys we heart you! As they unwrap their third album (see what they did there?), they sent us an ickle pack of humbugs, and very yummy they were too.

Look out for their album out Mon 24 Aug.

Wig and specs

The specs may not have glass but they’re none the less exciting for that. And the luxuriant orange locks of our new hairpiece are inspiring envy and follicle-anxiety in all comers. Good luck to these charming lads from G3. G3 – The Ginge, The Geordie, and the Geek

Just the Tonic at The Caves, 208 0882, 8–30 Aug (not 18), 4.10pm, £9.50–£10.50 (£6.50–£9). Previews 6 & 7 Aug, £5.

Credit Crunch Breakfast Cereal

Weetabix has had its day. Instead get your laughing gear around Credit Crunch, the thinking festival-goer’s breakfast cereal. Each piece of cereal is shaped like a different currency sign, so we’ll keep an eye on the exchange rate and ration our daily wheaten yen accordingly. Full marks for effort.

Shed Simove: Ideas Man, Belushi’s, 226 1446, 7–30 Aug, 7pm, £5.

Cupcakes

Afternoon Tea has been holding our attention with a series of very neat little cupcakes, nicely iced in yellow and green. If there’s one thing we love beyond all else – grandmothers and Ian Hislop included – it’s cake. So if you’re one of those multi-talented creative types who can recite the Bard while bouncing on your head and rustle up a carrot cake, our mouths are open and our bellies are waiting.

Afternoon Tea, The Voodoo Rooms, 556 7060, 8–28 Aug (not 17), 3.40pm, free.